absolute kaye*

never knew i was gonna miss home so much. the last time i step into my home was on april, where i surprised most of my friends. thats the only place i call home, with the family who loves me and the people i grew up with. even the chicken rice uncle from seng heong smiles and says hi everytime he sees me!

it barely feels like home here with the constant cold air circulating (regardless of the weather) and the racism in aussie. i'm aware that its 5.28 am but since i'm not anywhere near sleepy and wanna save myself from all the toss and turn so i'm just gonna tell you guys why i call them racist.

i'm not a racist i can say loud and proud so i only say people are racist when they're really acting like one!

i've encountered few cases of racism unfortunately and i dont know is it because of my manglish or my cina face sighh. one of them is even a lecturer from my uni! come to think of it i'm so lazy to explain this whole shit again. in short she treated me and other ang moh students very very differently from speech, body language and that glare. THAT GLARE OF A PAIR OF WRINKLED GREEN EYES. *breathes in breathes out*

what?am i suppose to apologize because i have yellow skin or because my country doesn't make their people obese?sheesh.

i might sound like i hate australia a lot right now but nahh not really. after about 9 months here i've got used to this with the help of fellow malaysian friends. plus this just makes me miss malaysia more!except the weather and the security and the politics.........

hmm i think i might have to rephrase that sentence. anyways, the sun is popping out right here in melbourne i think its time for me to hit the sack.

PS: La Roux!

because you have so much to do that you can't sleep well, or because when you finally can get some sleep there's so many things bothering you.

or even, when you try to have some pre-post-exam "fun" by watching the devil wears prada with your girlfriend by setting up cable to connect your laptop to your huge ass tv, it just doesnt work. you can either hear sounds or watch the show without sound. EITHER ONE AND NOT BOTH FML.

or you try to study but your body doesn't coordinate with your brain even after a cup of coffee and little bit of redbull. life is even bitchier if you thought you tried very hard to succeed, but your answer at the end of the day is 'its never enough'.

or when people you care doesn't do things your way. leaving you lying on the ground, feeling confused, unwanted and lost.

maybe it's the time of the month, or not.your body is trying to play games with you.....but i'm tired of games.

don't worry,i'm not emo. just another post in the name of "procrastination".

wasn't trying to abandon my blog but there's really nothing much to blog about recently. didn't feel like ranting much here because it doesn't solve the problem (duh) and didn't feel like having people's attention (emo -_-) also it doesn't really relieve the stress and annoyance as well. so...

oh btw, i got a tattoo.

from conversations like "do you think I should miss call him *blush*" or "maybe i should lie to my mum about going out with him" to more matured conversations like "where do you wanna be in 10 years time" or "what will you do if you find yourself pregnant at this age".

no joke. it really scared me(me iz innocent gal) how natural it seems to get questions like that.

few years later we're gonna have conversations about marriage and botox! fml. i'm so not ready for that.

no doubt that the answers in my head to all these answers changes throughout the year.

in fact, everyday i'm learning from them. not that i'm trying to imitate or even copy their style (at least i dont think so) but seeing the good thing they do makes me go "i wanna be like them" and seeing the wrongs they do makes me think twice if i ever have to set my foot in their situation. someone younger doesn't mean they're not as wise as yourself and they dont know how to think.

when someone feels sad, i feel sad too. i imagine myself in their situation and i never ever wanna see them act like there's nothing wrong because i know thats even harder compared to thinking about the sadness and sharing it.

what am i even talking about?besides anatomy now i need to study psychology too?!

predicted bad times,

we made right of everything that seemed wrong.

together,

we've been through laughter and tears,

and never, never gave in to our fears.

we made our own rules,

we fooled all the fools,

together.

love is full of disguises,

full of surprises.

-in spite of the odds by astrud gilberto-

<3